


Searching Happiness

by sunspearing



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, birthday fic maybe, through the years-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 03:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4375967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunspearing/pseuds/sunspearing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times Oikawa tries to call it quits, and the one time Ushijima does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Searching Happiness

 

i.  
The first time Oikawa tries to break up with Ushijima, it’s through text. He’s laying down on the single bed that comes with his single dorm room, holding his phone above his head as he waits for his message to send. Once it does, he goes to the toilets to take a long, warm bath.

Ushijima receives the message in the middle of his hour and a half lecture for his comparative vertebrate anatomy class, phone buzzing in his pocket while his professor drones on about the possible conversion of muscle to bone. He pulls it out of his pocket, and the message that pops up on his lock screen has him tuning out the voice in front of him. It’s from Oikawa.

“I don’t think we should be together anymore.”

Ushijima swipes his finger over the message, sending a reply of “Oikawa, what do you mean?” It takes about ten unanswered text messages before Ushijima decides to pocket his phone and go back to listening to his lecture, albeit half-heartedly as he tries not to worry about the vague message Oikawa sent him.

The moment his professor releases them, Ushijima packs up his things and starts making his way to Oikawa’s dorm. He’s got his phone pressed to his ear all the while, waiting for Oikawa to pick up his phone. In the six months he’s been dating Oikawa, and the however many years knowing him (as a rival, but that doesn’t really necessarily matter anymore), he’s been subjected to the other’s mood swings and unpredictable whims that Ushijima has practically developed an iron will and patience that rivals that of a practising monk. That’s actually why some people think they’re perfect together--but apparently, Oikawa doesn’t think so anymore.

Ushijima’s calls are left unanswered just like his text messages, and by the time he’s made his way up to Oikawa’s dorm room floor, he’s thought of just about everything where he could’ve gone wrong. Has he been spending too little time with Oikawa? Has he not paid attention to him enough? Did he forget his birthday? Ushijima knows he’s been busy with practising volleyball with the national team on top of juggling his midterm exams for his majors, but he’s never failed to drop by Oikawa’s place with milk bread, and sometimes groceries to cook him dinner once in a while. He even stays the night when it’s permitted, giving Oikawa a nice, long make-out session and, on amazing days where they both don’t have volleyball practice the next day, a steamy coupling followed by cuddling and trying to find the extent of which Oikawa’s single bed can fit two six-feet plus men.

He knocks on the door thrice and waits for Oikawa to open the door, watching other students mill about and pass in front of him while giving him unwary glances. Ushijima’s been around here several times, but it still manages to pique everyone’s interests how the two people who had a rivalry with animosity that lasted nearly six years manage to find enough in common to start a romantic relationship with each other. Even Ushijima wonders sometimes, during the days Oikawa becomes too much of a handful and makes him question his life choices, but then he remembers the years he also spent convincing Oikawa to play with him, to _be with him_ , that he wouldn’t have picked anyone else. Oikawa is his equal after all.

That’s why Ushijima decides to finally use the spare key he has to Oikawa’s dorm room. (“I’m giving this to Ushiwaka-chan only for emergency purposes only, ok? Just so someone will find my beautiful body in case Iwa-chan or some jealous person decides to kill me.” Oikawa doesn’t meet his eyes when he hands him the key with a green alien keychain hanging from it, but Ushijima can see the pink of the setter’s cheeks.) The little living room is empty, including the kitchenette. Ushijima makes his way towards the bedroom, only to find it sparse as well.

“Oikawa?” Ushijima calls out. He pulls out his phone and drops his bag by the couch, pacing around the living room while waiting for his call to Oikawa to connect. By the time it starts ringing, Ushijima hears the resulting call to Oikawa’s phone register and sound from within the bedroom. When Ushijima checks, it is indeed there. Sitting quietly by the study desk is Oikawa’s phone with its white and cyan phone case. Ushijima’s face is flashing on the screen, and he presses the red button to deny the call. Placing his own phone next to Oikawa’s, he notes how he’s left more than fifteen texts and ten missed calls. Oikawa’s seriously testing him.

The last place Ushijima looks is the bathroom, and it’s the only place the other could be. Oikawa can’t go anywhere without his phone, after all. The door is unlocked, and he’s about to greet Oikawa by scolding him on the grounds of propriety and privacy that locking doors provide, but he stops when he sees the blank look on Oikawa’s face. He’s sitting inside the tub, hugging his knees to his chest. To anyone it may look like Oikawa’s just staring into space, trying to stare the bubbles into submission and pop themselves away. But to Ushijima, he knows that that’s how the setter looks when he’s analysing something, trying to pick apart something piece by piece like he used to do whenever watching videos of past volleyball matches, looking for windows and weaknesses he and his team could penetrate in order to win. Ushijima wonders what brought upon this concentration upon Oikawa. The impending end of their relationship, perhaps?

Ushijima kneels next to the bathtub, and props his arm against the ceramic. “Oikawa, are you with me?”

It takes a few minutes, minutes with Ushijima’s heart feeling like its up in his throat, but Oikawa’s eyes finally slide to look at him. Oikawa rests his cheek on a knee so he can give Ushijima his full attention.

“Did I do something wrong?” Ushijima asks. Oikawa hasn’t been this silent with him this long, and it worries him. There’s several deep breaths before Oikawa answers, “No. It’s my fault.”

“What do you mean?” he pries, and he wants to hold Oikawa’s hand but he doesn’t know if that’s what the other wants at the moment. He can’t seem to read an Oikawa that’s this guarded. Oikawa looks away, his eyes squinting at the bathroom tiles.

“I’m not on the starting line-up of this weekend’s match. I wasn’t picked,” Oikawa informs, and his fingers tighten their grip on the flesh of his thighs. “I don’t know where I went wrong, where I didn’t do good enough but I must have fucked up somewhere to not qualify to play.” He looks at Ushijima from the corner of his eyes. “I’m not as good as Ushiwaka-chan makes me out to be, after all.”

Ushijima frowns. This time, he doesn’t hesitate to take Oikawa’s hands in his, loosening the hold they have on his limbs so they can squeeze his own. “Is that why you don’t think we should be together anymore?”

Oikawa sighs. “I can’t be like you, Ushiwaka-chan. I can’t possibly juggle school, varsity and being in a national team all at the same time like you do. I only have school and varsity and I can’t even earn myself a spot in it.”

“I’m not dating you just because we’re in the same varsity, Oikawa,” Ushijima says, “I’m with you because I think you are interesting and amazing and confident and beautiful, both in and out of the court. Just because we won’t be able to play together this weekend doesn’t mean we should stop being together.” He leans in to kiss the knuckles of Oikawa’s hands, the fingers wrinkled because of staying too long in the water. “If anything, we should stick it out until we actually do finally play in a match together. And win, of course.”

Oikawa snorts. And all of a sudden Ushijima thinks it’s back to normal. Because Oikawa’s eyes are finally looking alive, his mouth is finally tilting up into that cheeky smile of his, and the long, dark matting of his lashes hood over his eyes in that alluring way that reeled Ushijima in from the get-go.

“You’re too smart for your own good, Ushiwaka-chan. Why do you have to be so composed all the time?” Oikawa bites. He lets Ushijima help him out of the tub and dry him off, lead him to the bedroom to get him dressed up. Ushijima dries Oikawa’s hair with a hair dryer while Oikawa chuckles at Ushijima’s text messages, teasing him about how much he panicked over nothing.

Ushijima doesn’t say anything, but he’s really glad that it really was nothing.

 

 

ii.  
The second time Oikawa tries to break up with Ushijima, it’s in the locker room.

“Maybe we should just call it quits,” Oikawa says as he closes his locker door a bit more forceful than necessary. They’re alone in the locker room after a successful match against another university, and the others had left first to celebrate--he and Ushijima are supposed to follow afterwards. However, after this conversation, they might not. He proceeds to shrug on the jacket he got from inside his bag, and it’s just a tad bit big on him, the fabric draped over his shoulders and hanging past his fingers. It’s Ushijima’s.

Ushijima stops putting on his socks to look up at Oikawa. “Excuse me?”

Oikawa starts nonchalantly, “We should end this. Like, if you’re going to be accepting girls’ advances left and right then maybe we should break up.” He zips his duffel bag closed after finishing fixing his hair. “Ushiwaka-chan gathers so many attention and flirts with everyone that approaches him, I don’t think he takes our relationship seriously.”

Ushijima is confused. In truth, Oikawa has more people approaching him and trying to land a date with him, having a league of girls offering him gifts and their numbers after every match and even around the university campus. There are also the occasional boys that approach and try to make small talk with him. Ushijima can’t blame these people smitten with the setter when he looks like that--tall, athletic build and beautiful face and hands, sparkling sharp eyes and enrapturing smile. But shouldn’t it be Ushijima complaining right now, not Oikawa?

“Are you jealous?” Ushijima inquires, getting back to putting on his shoes. He’s tying his shoelaces when he hears Oikawa scoff.

“Me? Oikawa? Jealous?” Oikawa hoists his bag higher up his shoulder, turning to face Ushijima while crossing his arms over his chest. “I have nothing to be jealous about.”

Ushijima stands up, his shirt buttoned up only halfway. He takes a step towards Oikawa. “You know, if there’s someone that should be jealous between us, it’s me.” At Ushijima’s full height, it makes Oikawa tilt his chin up those several degrees and it irks him. He shouldn’t need to look up at someone when he’s already this tall, dammit.

“Explain you being flirty with all those people that approached you earlier. You can’t possibly think of being in a serious relationship with me when you act that way with other people that’re not me,” Oikawa demands with a stubborn jut of his chin. It’s a nice chin, along with all the complementary features that make up Oikawa’s sweet face. Ushijima remembers the way people look at him, and he feels that spark of jealousy brew in him, too.

“I was being polite. The proper way to accept compliments is to be courteous, after all.” Ushijima walks closer, holding a hand to Oikawa’s hip while the other takes the setter’s chin between his fingers. “Your actions though, dispensing your smiles to everyone like it’s nothing, deserves an explanation.” Ushijima feels like they both must be at fault in this, but he can’t just let Oikawa pin all the blame on him, he hasn’t done anything wrong intentionally.

The smile that splits across Oikawa’s face is almost diabolical, smug, and just the hint of tempting as his cherry red lips pull up. “Are you actually being jealous right now, Ushiwaka-chan?”

“Yes,” Ushijima answers gruffly, honestly, and he feels a shiver ripple through Oikawa. He quirks an eyebrow, but all he gets is Oikawa bringing his arms up to wind around Ushijima’s neck. Oikawa leans up to nip at Ushijima’s chin.

“What if I told you I smile at people and accept their gifts and numbers and their passes so I can get a rise out of you?” Oikawa’s hands move down from his neck to his shoulders and down his still exposed chest, palms sliding inside the unbuttoned fabric to lay over his pectorals. “I really wanted to see Ushiwaka-chan jealous but didn’t expect to have it backfire at me as well. I’m a bit sad.”

Ushijima inhales sharply from his nose as Oikawa moves to press a kiss to the small patch of skin behind his ear, tightening the grip he has on the setter’s hips. “We can’t have that, can we?”

“Nope,” Oikawa hums, pressing himself closer to Ushijima, unbuttoning the few ones the other managed to do before their conversation started, “How can Ushiwaka-chan make it up to me?”

Ushijima feels like he’s walked into a trap of some sort, been manipulated by Oikawa who manages to wield him and his weakness against himself yet again, but that doesn’t stop him from pushing his hands up and under Oikawa’s shirt to ghost past his ribs and rub his thumbs over Oikawa’s fast pebbling nipples, just the way he likes it.

 

 

iii.  
The third time Oikawa tries to break up with him, it’s in the middle of the farm Ushijima’s family owns.

It’s the middle of their term break and Oikawa’s managed to convince Ushijima to go back home to Miyagi and give him a tour of his family’s farm. His family, unsurprisingly, take to Oikawa very well, drawn in by his sunny smiles and many anecdotes about Ushijima and their life in university. They all listen to him attentively during dinner, laughing and praising him for being patient enough to stand by _Wakatoshi-kun_. Ushijima also introduces Oikawa to his pet dogs, a huge Rottweiler and a Golden Retriever, both taking to Oikawa almost instantly that Ushijima might’ve been slightly amazed and jealous.

The next day has Ushijima giving Oikawa the tour of the farm that he came for, but probably not the experience he was thinking. It starts off with Ushijima waking up early to take his morning jog around the land, leaving Oikawa dozing off for a few more hours in his bed. By the time he’s done the sun’s fully risen, and Oikawa is rubbing the sleep away from his eyes and yawning a good morning directed at him. They have breakfast with Ushijima’s parents and some of the farmhands, and afterwards Ushijima tells him to dress lightly before they go out.

In the entire duration of the morning Oikawa has managed to lose a slipper when he misstepped and his foot landed in the rice paddies, got chased by a cow when Ushijima was about to teach him how to milk it, nearly got ran over by a tractor while running away from chickens and ducks trying to get his bread, and asked a scarecrow how its day was going when he mistook it for one of the farmhands. While Ushijima was trying not to laugh out loud, Oikawa had pouted before stomping off with the excuse of looking for crop circles in the wheat field. It had been almost thirty minutes since then, and Ushijima was sure the other had gotten lost.

And so, Ushijima spent the better part of the noon looking for Oikawa, calling for him while roaming through rows of browning wheat. When he reaches the second scarecrow, he sighs in relief.

Below it sits Oikawa, his legs drawn up to his chest with his arms over them. His head can’t be seen what with the floppy straw hat he still has on, but Ushijima’s sure that’s his boyfriend. He walks over and stoops down, balancing himself on the balls of his feet before shaking Oikawa’s shoulder.

“Oikawa? Are you alright?” Ushijima asks. He’s about to lift the hat so he can see Oikawa’s face when the other moves. He lifts his head up to look at Ushijima, and he watches as those big, brown eyes turn from sleepy to tearful to downright angry.

“You left me alone! You took me to your farm and gave me a horrible experience and let me get lost and I’m hungry and my toes are aching and I feel like I got that farmer’s tan you always have on your arms.” There are angry tears streaking Oikawa’s skin and making them shine. The moisture makes his thick long eyelashes web together, and when he blinks they leave dampness on the swell of his flushed cheeks. “I ought to break up with you, just see if I don’t!”

In the glaring sunlight and the yellow of the wheat fields and the shadow cast over Oikawa’s face courtesy of his floppy straw hat, Ushijima thinks Oikawa’s more than beautiful. His heart hiccups in his chest.

Ushijima reaches over to wipe away Oikawa’s tears, and there’s a bit of grime that smears the other’s skin because of the dusty soil that’s left on Ushijima’s fingers from helping the farmhands with the harvesting. Oikawa would hate him if he saw what Ushijima has just done. “I’m sorry.”

Oikawa sniffles. “Stupid Ushiwaka-chan. Stupid Ushiwaka-chan and his stupid farm and his stupid cow and his stupid scarecrows and his stupid farmer’s tan and his stu--” Ushijima cuts him off with a kiss, scooting closer and cupping Oikawa’s face to press their lips together properly. Oikawa releases a whimper before reaching over to fist Ushijima’s shirt in his hands. There are more tears that trickle down and onto Ushijima’s fingers, and he brushes them away all the same.

When they part, Ushijima smiles at Oikawa sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

“Stupid Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa repeats, pushing at Ushijima’s shoulder and almost sending him to the ground. When Ushijima stops wobbling Oikawa hugs him. The sleeves of his shirt shift up his arms at the motion, and Ushijima sees the change in skin tone. He smiles against Oikawa’s shoulder.

“I think we got some flour back at home. If you let me teach you how to churn butter, we can make some milk bread with it and the milk we got earlier,” Ushijima offers, rubbing circles onto Oikawa’s back.

 

 

iv.  
The fourth time Oikawa tries to break up with Ushijima, it’s through text again.

By this time Ushijima thinks he’s got Oikawa all figured out. He knows how Oikawa can’t seem to shed away the need to compete with Ushijima, even it comes to grades regardless of the fact that they’re taking up entirely different courses. He also can’t seem to stop trying to debunk each and every player and team they compete against, stop trying to overwork himself to develop more skills even when Ushijima tells him that he’s more than enough--that he’s the most talented setter he’s known.

Ushijima also knows how Oikawa likes to eat milk bread and marathon sci-fi films, drink his coffee black with roughly six spoons of sugar, shop online for phone cases and pullovers for Ushijima only to smuggle them away once Ushijima’s worn them once. He also knows how Oikawa likes it when Ushijima kisses him on the insides of his wrists and elbows, the mole on the inside of his left thigh, caress the knobs of his right knee before cupping the back of it and pushing it back so he sink in deeper into Oikawa’s heat. Ushijima knows just how to pay attention to Oikawa, especially when he wants it.

So when Ushijima takes out his phone while waiting for his lab partner to finish washing their glasswares, he’s not really surprised anymore when he sees the text he got.

[9: 05 AM] Oikawa: I don’t think I love you anymore, Ushiwaka-chan. I’m breaking up with you.

Ushijima takes off his lab goggles before typing a reply.

[9: 35 AM] Ushijima: Maybe later, Oikawa.

It isn’t even two minutes when he gets his reply.

[9: 36 AM] Oikawa: What do you mean later? I’m breaking up with you right now!

[9: 37 AM] Ushijima: No.

[9: 37 AM] Oikawa: BUT I DONT THINK I LOVE YOU ANYMORE

[9: 37 AM] Ushijima: Alright, Oikawa.

[9: 38 AM] Oikawa: YOU ARENT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY USHIWAKA-CHAN

[9: 38 AM] Ushijima: Of course I am. Now, do you want me to get you something before I pick you up?

[9: 39 AM] Oikawa: I hate you, Ushiwaka-chan.

[9: 39 AM] Oikawa: Milk bread and caramel frappuccino, please.

[9: 39 AM] Ushijima: I love you too.

“What are you smiling at, Ushijima-san?” Ushijima’s lab partner asks, setting the dried glassware in front of him. He makes to open the laboratory locker, and Ushijima moves to the side.

“Nothing, nothing,” Ushijima replies. He helps his lab partner stock their glasswares back into their locker before taking off his lab coat, folding it up and stacking it in there as well along with his lab goggles. His phone vibrates in his pocket again, and when he reads the message he chuckles.

[9: 42 AM] Oikawa: o(≧o≦)o

[9: 42 AM] Oikawa: I love you too.

 

 

v.  
The fifth time Oikawa tries to break up with Ushijima, he succeeds.

In the years they’ve known each other and have been together in their relationship, Ushijima thought that they’ve already moved past their high school rivalry and formed a companionship that runs deeper than being varsity teammates. They are lovers, after all. However, it seems being in a relationship with _Oikawa_ isn’t as easy as his past relationships. It all begins with the letter Ushijima receives.

“When were you planning on telling me you’re going to be in the Olympics?” Oikawa asks, holding the piece of paper like it was insulting him. “Were you even planning on telling me at all?”

“Of course I was,” Ushijima answers, jaw tense as he watches Oikawa pace around the room. “I was just waiting for the right time.”

“Is this for real? Ushiwaka-chan waiting for the right moment to say something?” Oikawa exclaims with mock surprise. His canines glint as his lips curl in dismay. “When was that perfect time? Three days before you have to fly out of the country and disappear for three months? _Then_?”

“Oikawa, you don’t unders--” Ushijima tries, but Oikawa is already marching towards Ushijima’s room, opening the dresser drawer Ushijima has designated to be Oikawa’s, and starts taking out the clothes inside it. There’s a bag at the bottom of the drawer, the one Oikawa had used to bring the very clothes he’s taking out into Ushijima’s apartment, and he starts shoving the articles of clothing into it. Ushijima’s sure that some of his own shirts are being stuffed into the bag, along with a pullover Oikawa had gotten for him.

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa huffs, standing up and moving to the bathroom to grab his toothbrush and creams, shoving them into the pockets of his bag and zipping it closed. “I don’t want to be with someone who can’t even inform me of something so important as an offer to play at the Olympics.”

“Oikawa, please listen to me.” Ushijima catches Oikawa’s wrist only to have the other shake it away, holding his hand to his chest.

“No, Ushiwaka-chan, you listen to me.” Oikawa stands in front of Ushijima, face flushed with anger and disappointment it twists at Ushijima’s heart. “If you think being in a relationship means keeping the other in the dark and just expecting them to take life-changing news easily at the last minute, then you’re wrong. If you thought I wouldn’t understand then fuck you, Ushiwaka-chan.”

Oikawa makes for the door, but Ushijima blocks him. “You can’t possibly walk out on me, Oikawa. Let’s talk about this.”

“Well you seemed like you were planning on walking out on _me_ by not telling me about your future, but you don’t see me stopping you.” Oikawa’s eyes are teary but they’re _hard_ , colder than Ushijima has ever seen and has been at the receiving end of, and it has dread start climbing up his body. “We’re over, Ushiwaka-chan. I hope you have a good life.”

Now it’s been a month after and Ushijima still can’t get Oikawa’s words out of his head, how he had been selfish enough to think that he can have his future and Oikawa intact, without having them cross paths. He can’t believe he even thought of keeping it from Oikawa when he was the most observant person Ushijima knows. He had spent the week after Oikawa’s walkout sending him texts and calls, waiting outside his dorm room and classrooms, all in an attempt to call him and apologise. He had gotten chasen out by the dorm guard and threatened by Iwaizumi, and Oikawa had given him the cold shoulder all throughout the limited times Ushijima managed to catch him alone.

Ushijima thinks he hasn’t realised the full extent of his and Oikawa’s years of relationship until now. Readjusting to a life without an Oikawa keeping him on his toes and making sure he eats and studies and stretches during practices takes some getting used to, and it throws Ushijima just how much he had come to be dependent on the other. He finds himself looking at his phone in between lectures, wondering why Oikawa hasn’t texted him yet only to remember they aren’t together anymore. He also has an untouched stock of milk bread in his pantry from the times he’s bought some while doing groceries, only to realise his mistake when the grocer has already finished ringing up his purchases.

Oikawa has managed to weaken him yet again.

It’s after a month that Ushijima sees Oikawa again. Ushijima is out with his laboratory classmates celebrating a successful end of term. He’s currently queueing up to the cash register with a female classmate of his, chatting with her, when the door of the coffee shop rings. Ushijima doesn’t really notice it until someone sidles up behind him, humming. And it’s familiar.

“Seems you’ve moved on pretty well, huh, Ushiwaka-chan?” Ushijima looks to his side to find Oikawa observing the pastry display case, but his hands are balled into fists at his sides.

“Oikawa,” Ushijima greets, and his voice is more breathless than he intends it to sound.

“You were just waiting to get rid of me, weren’t you?” he asks, and he finally looks up to meet Ushijima’s eyes. His big eyes still shine but they don’t have their usual life, that signature mirth Oikawa seems to always feel, and they have shadows underneath them that’s uncharacteristic of the guy. Ushijima’s doesn’t know why he feels slight happiness at seeing that Oikawa’s affected too. However, he’s confused. He can’t believe he’s still getting confused when it comes to Oikawa.

“I--What?” Ushijima turns to face Oikawa fully. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Stop lying to me, Ushiwaka-chan, playing clueless won’t work on me anymore.” Oikawa grits his teeth before moving his gaze to the girl next to Ushijima. “I’m very sorry that you’re together with Ushiwaka-chan. You’re destined to take the second priority in his life, whatever happens.”

With that Oikawa exits the queue and the coffee shop. Ushijima is stunned for a moment before bowing at his classmate, excusing himself and running after Oikawa. He catches up to him at the intersection, Oikawa waiting for the pedestrian light to go green. Ushijima catches his wrist, and this time, when Oikawa tries to shake off his grip, he doesn’t let him. Instead, Ushijima drags Oikawa to somewhere secluded, the nearby park looking empty considering the time and the darkening sky.

“Let go of me, you bastard,” Oikawa seethes, “I said, let go!”

“If I let you go you’ll walk away from me again,” Ushijima says calmly, but he loosens his grip. “Please let us talk about this, Oikawa.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Oikawa answers defiantly, meeting Ushijima’s gaze. “Now why don’t you go back to your friends and your girlfr--”

“I had every plan to tell you about the Olympics offer, Oikawa, and I had every reason to tell you about it at my own time.” Before Ushijima can continue, Oikawa interjects.

“Doesn’t seem that way when you were hellbent on keeping things a secret from me. I know your dreams are much more important, but don’t make me feel like I have no right to dapple or be a part of them.”

“You aren’t letting me finish,” Ushijima grouses, “I had all intentions of including you in my plans because you mean so much to me, Oikawa, you can’t possibly think you don’t mean anything to me.”

“Well you don’t seem that way to me, ok?” Oikawa complains, trying to shake off Ushijima’s grip on his wrist yet again. “Even now you seem so unaffected talking about us like this, like it’s something you can throw away because you still have your fucking volleyball career set out for you. I know you see me but it makes me feel so dispensable because I’m just _someone_ you used to compete with and I can’t even go international with you and why do you have to be so _goddamn polite and composed_ at a time like this?”

“Then what do you want me to do?” Ushijima asks, and he lets his voice waver, openly letting and hoping Oikawa realises how affected Ushijima is about their situation, of how their relationship has been left up in the air when all he wants is for it to ground them back down and together. “Oikawa don’t tell me to fight for us because by now I shouldn’t have to.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Oikawa sighs, like the fight’s left him, “All I’m asking you is to treat me as an equal who can take anything and everything you could ever throw at me. Don’t underestimate me because I’ve been competing against you for years and you of all people should know what I’m capable of handling.”

“I’ve never underestimated you,” Ushijima clarifies, lifting their hands up before tentatively, hesitantly, kissing at the thin white skin of the inside of Oikawa’s wrists. “I’ve always told you how much I love you.”

“Stupid Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa huffs, “Love can only get us through so much, you know?”

“I know. That’s why I won’t make the mistake of hiding anything from you ever again.” Ushijima kisses at Oikawa’s fingers, the fingers of the setter he’s wanted for so long. “That’s if you’ll let me go back to spending more time with you.”

“Fine.” Oikawa leans up to steal a kiss from Ushijima’s lips. “Only because you asked nicely.”

 

 

\+ vi.  
The one time Ushijima tries to break up with Oikawa, it’s a surprise.

It’s the day Ushijima arrives back home to Japan after so many months with the national volleyball team. Oikawa is there in the crowd, holding up a signage with his name on it. He’s smiling widely as he waves over Ushijima, and when they’re finally close enough he lets Oikawa pull him down for a long, ardent kiss that’s borderline publicly inappropriate. When they part Oikawa grins brightly at him, whispering, “Welcome back, Ushiwaka-chan.”

Ushijima has so many things to say, _I miss you, I love you, You’re so beautiful,_ the box in his pocket weighs him down _Marry me,_ but he settles for a long-awaited, “Stop calling me that, Oikawa.”

When night comes Oikawa drags him to a restaurant filled with their common friends, their teammates from high school and university varsity. Ushijima spends almost half the time away from Oikawa, busy talking and catching up with people he hasn’t seen for some time. It’s a refreshing way to wind down his first day back in Japan, somewhere he can comfortably speak his mother tongue and let loose without worrying about a match or practice the next day. He has the next three months off, and he plans on spending it wisely. Preferably with Oikawa as company.

However, as the night progresses, the alcohol comes free flowing, and Oikawa seems hellbent on testing the extent of his alcohol tolerance. Ushijima stops him before he gets drunk, and makes him drink water and juice at intervals to get him to sober up. Oikawa whines about how much a stick in the mud Ushijima is. He’s caught in between Ushijima and Iwaizumi by the time Ushijima announces that night is over. They’re bidding everyone goodbye and waiting for the last of the people to leave when Iwaizumi speaks up.

“I’ll handle it from here,” Iwaizumi tells Ushijima, his eyes sliding from the taller man to Oikawa. “You better take Shittykawa home before he tries something stupid or throws up.”

“I probably should,” Ushijima agrees, wrapping an arm around Oikawa. “Have a good night, Iwaizumi. Come on, Oikawa.”

“Goodbye, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa waves before flopping into Ushijima’s embrace, blabbing on and on about their new house and how big the dogs are and his job and, much later when they’re in the car and Ushijima is driving them home, how hard he’s going to ride Ushijima on their king-sized bed. Ushijima’s glad Oikawa doesn’t lie about bedroom matters.

The next day Ushijima makes breakfast for them after walking the dogs, and waits for Oikawa to join him at the dining table with two mugs of steaming coffee, both made and adjusted to their respective preferences. They enjoy the food in silence, Oikawa occasionally nodding back to sleep with his head on Ushijima’s shoulder. They finish after an hour, and the rest of the morning they spend lounging in the living room and watching television.

“Hey, do you want to play with the dogs outside?” Oikawa asks, but before Ushijima can even reply he’s already tugging at Ushijima’s fingers, pulling him up from the couch and towards the sliding glass doors leading to the garden. Oikawa hands him a tennis ball before running towards the kennels to call the dogs, and Ushijima watches as they circle the other man and jump at him excitedly.

Ushijima doesn’t remember the last time he had a day as relaxing as today, but it’s so beautiful and simple it makes him contentedly happy. Not even the greatest of matches won can amount to the feeling of sitting on green grass, the sound of Oikawa laughing near his ear, the sight of him smiling while getting tackled to the ground by their dogs. Theirs.

“Oikawa,” Ushijima says softly, looking over at the man rolling around in the grass, giggling as the dogs try to nuzzle at him.

“Yeah? What is it Ushiwaka-chan?” Oikawa looks up, and the smile on his face freezes. “Is something wrong? Something you need to tell me.”

Ushijima has thought about this scenario time and again, how he plans on telling Oikawa what’s been on his mind for a while now. There’s over dinner, both at home and out in a fancy restaurant, through a flower arrangement and Oikawa’s favourite chocolates sent to his workplace, or maybe when they go visit Oikawa’s parents. But today’s a beautiful day, almost as beautiful as Oikawa…

“I want to break up with you,” Ushijima blurts out, and Oikawa’s jaw drops open.

“What?!” Oikawa bursts out, startling the dogs and making them run away. “What the hell, Ushiwaka-chan?! Are you being serious right now?!”

“Wait, Oik--”

“No, I will not wait! I’ve waited so many months at a time for you to come back to me only for you to _break up with me_?! After last night? After how many years?” Oikawa is starting to flush red with emotion, and Ushijima doesn’t know how to proceed. Oikawa looks beautiful even when angry. Ushijima doesn’t know if Oikawa can ever be not beautiful. “Give me a good reason why you want to break up with me.”

There’s a substantial pause, and he watches Oikawa’s eyes start to sheen with moisture before Ushijima replies, “Because I want to marry you.”

And the world almost seems to still, Oikawa freezing up and Ushijima’s breath is stuck in his throat while he waits for a reaction. And the reaction he’s waiting for comes as a scream.

Oikawa screams at Ushijima, aggravated and frustrated that it surprises Ushijima. But he snaps out of it enough to catch Oikawa who flings himself at the other, arms torn between hugging him tightly and beating him up to a pulp. Instead, Ushijima gets arms wrapped around him and fists thumping at his back and sobbing getting muffled by his shoulder.

“Stupid Ushiwaka-chan! Stupid stupid Ushi-chan! Ushi _baka_ -chan!” Oikawa cries, pressing his forehead into the crook where Ushijima’s neck meets shoulder. “I ought to decline and just break up with Ushiwaka-chan for real! Stupid, stupid!”

“So, is it a yes or a no?” Ushijima asks after a while, when he’s finally finished accidentally making Oikawa cry and the dogs are back to laying with them on the grass.

“Of course it’s a yes,” Oikawa sniffs, holding out his hand. “You better have a good ring for me, Ushiwaka-chan, or we’re over. I’m taking the dogs and the house with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to regret this in the morning I'm still sorry for the stuff I write  
> I've also always wanted to write a 5+1 thing but I had absolutely no idea on what i'm really sorry ushijima you have the patience i and the rest of the world will never have
> 
> Happy birthday, Oikawa! I hope you get all the nice things ~~like ushiwaka's dick~~


End file.
